Successful Fast!

Yes! I fasted for 27 hours from Saturday to Sunday. I got away with eating a piece of bread and some broccoli during dinner. All I've had to eat today is a small handful of rice chex and two Tums. I hope to have another small dinner, then exercise for about an hour and a half.
Here are some random tips I've heard from various places.

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I read somewhere that two Tums can curb hunger along with spinning. Bizarre? I don't know.

Curling up in a ball helps hunger pains go away. Really nice when fasting.

It's good to eat something small (very small) in the morning will help your stomach not growl until later. For me, only a tiny amount of gluten free Rice Chex does the trick.Gluten free Rice Chex has a tiny amount of sugar, and is fat free.

Try to avoid bread.

Try to avoid sugar (I think this one is sort of obvious).

Drink water!

Good luck,
-Sophrosyne

Sunday Mourning.

•100 jumping jacks
•1/2 liter of water
•100 crunches
 •10 second break
•100 jumping jacks
 I woke up at three am and found my insomnia had returned again. Instad it laying around and doing nothing, I got up. A few hours later, I went to the youth session of church with my Dad. After there was a whole table filled with doughnuts for everyone. When I didn't take one, my Dad asked me if I had breakfast. I Lied and told him I had cereal right before we came. He said okay, but he is suspicious.
Yesterday he asked me if I was depressed, and I told him I wasn't. I laughed at the idea. I know I am though. Not horribly, but I am. Apperantly it runs in his side of the family, but honestly don't see how anyone couldn't be sad if they were in my situation.
 I won't go on with all my whining. I'll continue my day. I've been fasting since four pm yesterday, and plan to go until dinner. I would go past dinner if I could, but my parents always make us eat dinner together. So far I've had 2 liters of water, and I'm not hungry at all. It's quite nice not having food aromas drifting around the house, I'm not tempted, in fact I'm feeling confident. I can do this until dinner. It's not that long anyway, and I'll have very small portions when I do. I'll see how many calories I can burn off after, then not eat until dinner tomorrow. I'm going to do this every day. I've heard so many succes stories of small fasts. Even better ones with long fasts, but I guess this is all I can do.
 Kisses
 -Sophrosyne

Ana Commandments.

Yes. Posting a second time in one day. It won't be like this everyday, definitely not, I just wanted to share some of my feelings on a few of the "Anorexia Commandments".
Honestly, I think the majority of them are good. Some are just a bunch of BS.
I believe you can self-diagnose, and some people do live by these rules. I don't think they're necessary. All that matters to me is that I'm skinny. I have to be skinny. That's the only rule I have.
But I digress.

"If you aren't thin, you aren't attractive."
For me, this is true. This is the constant message shouting at me every time I raise food to my mouth, or look in the mirror. It's constantly reminding me I can't be pretty until I am skinny. It can be helpful, and at times, quite annoying. I'm pretty sure every girl with an ED believes this one.

 "Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty."
This is good. Guilty will prevent you from doing it again. If you binge on fattening foods with tons of gross cheese and crap, it's good to cry about it. You don't have to cut, but make sure you feel bad about it.


 "Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success."
Being ana has more benefits than just being thin, it gives you self control. You can use it for the future and now. When you have to decide things you can think them through better and know the choice you're going to make before you even have to make it.

 "You are worthless if not skinny"
DO NOT BELIEVE THIS FOR ONE SECOND. True, being skinny is fantastic and amazing, but don't just lay around all day and think about food. I do think about food 24/7, but I do stuff too. I work on things to distract me. Even if you aren't skinny, you still can do things. Everyone needs help. Besides,your family, friends, and the people around you will suspect something if you don't get out and interact. I am horrible at doing that, and I have to be EXTREMELY careful around everyone, so they don't get too suspicious. In fact, My Mom is starting to think there's something up.

I hope this sort of gave you a new perspective. Everyone has different opinions. You can decide which commandments you want to follow or not any at all, just keep this in mind.
I AM here and I DO care. If you need someone to talk with, just send me an email or comment. I will encourage you.
-Sophrosyne

Another Day.

I feel dreadful.

I need to find a way to go with little food all day and come home and not binge. Today I looked at several blogs and found people like me who will do so well for a while, then on the weekends they get tempted and binge. 

The thing is, with me I do that almost every night. I don't go crazy and eat everything in the house, but I eat way more than I should. After, I feel guilty. All I know is that if other girls can go longer than me, I need to stop. I have to. 

I'm not very competitive, but when it comes to certain things, I definitely can be. I used to be real laid back and not care about much, but now I don't think I know how to be. I don't think I even want to go back to that kind of living. I think it would drive me completely bazerk.

There are certain things I frequently remind myself of, such as "food doesn't control me" and "nothing tastes as good as skinny", but in a way food does control me. It's pretty sad. 

I do find myself with a fear of certain foods though. Butter spread, potato chips, Pringles scare me to death. I can't eat pizza either. It's kind of nice. They are all good tasting, but I don't think I could ever let myself  eat them. 

So yesterday, I decided to make a list of foods that I can't eat no matter what. Here it is:

• Pringles
• Rice krispie treats
• cookies
• butter spread
• fries
• potato chips
• wheat thins
• cake
• frosting
• cupcakes

I also broke one of my rules and ate two cupcakes. 

Two cupcakes.

I cringe just thinking about it. I don't think I'll ever eat anymore of those things above it, (wheat thins have so many  calories and crap), but cupcakes are so good. I also went and looked up the bad things about cupcakes to make sure I would stop eating them, but didn't find anything except for how much sugar and butter they have. That was good for me I think. 

I wish I could have support in this. I read about girls with friends who are both doing the same thing. They catch each other when they're about to collapse into their old habits. I long for that, but I just have to live without it. Doing it alone will make me a stronger person; more self control, independence, etc.

I am sometimes miserable during lunch at school. all of my friends stuffing themselves on ice cream and food and stuff, but it's a good thing cafeteria food doesn't taste too good. That's nice.

Well, I'm done here now. If anyone reads this, you can comment. Or don't. It's all right. Notify me of anything important or whatever. 

-Sophrosyne